Couples Therapy

In a troubled relationship, the problem is never one person’s fault. It’s not even both people’s fault. The problem is a maladaptive pattern the two have developed. When treating couples, I first help partners identify how each is contributing to the maladaptive interaction pattern and the emotions that pattern is triggering. I then work with the couple to figure out how that pattern developed. Often each partner is unconsciously recreating his/her/their own negative attachment to a parent or even acting out their parents’ marriage, alternating in the roles. 

After the negative pattern and emotions are identified and expressed, couples develop more empathy for each other’s childhood pain and are more open and responsive to replacing old, negative patterns such as “pursue-withdraw” or “criticize-defend” with new positive ones. Thus the relationship becomes a loving safe haven for both partners in the future.